I haven’t written much about my Dedicant Path work in ADF recently. To be honest, I’ve had some problems, and I want to talk about them today.
One thing I’ve had to deal with is, for lack of a better term, Christian guilt following my mother’s death. Her death was pretty unexpected, since she’d been in reasonably good health (I guess a stroke doesn’t really care about that). Anyway, I think that’s been a reason for the guilt. Things are affecting me more than I thought they would. I believe I’m past that, now.
There are a couple of other issues, more directly related to ADF. One is my need for a physical community. The closest ADF group is about 90 miles away. That’s not really conducive to building a really close community. I don’t have a car, so I really can’t even get to their meetings and rites.
A second problem for me has been my inability to focus on a hearth culture. I know that generally comes later, but I need to have something to connect with, something to act as a guide for my eventual ADF life. There is a culture that really resonates with me on a deep level (Proto Indo-European). I don’t know why, it just does. Some problems include: I don’t know as much about PIE culture as I’d like, and the information in Our Own Druidry makes it seem like it would be more difficult to fit into the ADF structure than some of the other cultures. So I’ve looked at other cultures. The problem is that none of the others really reach me on a level that PIE does. In a way, this also relates back to community. The ADF group I mentioned earlier is very Celtic focused. All their public rites are addressed to a Celtic pantheon. Since I don’t believe the gods are interchangeable, I would be very uncomfortable attending Celtic rites while I’m focused on a PIE pantheon. In any event, I’ve decided to go with my heart, and work within a Proto Indo-European cultural focus. Most of my life has been rationally focused, making decisions on what seems the most rational basis. I think it’s time to try making a decision based on how I feel about an issue, rather than what seems to be most logical or easiest. I’m not sure it’s the wisest thing I’ve done, but I believe it’s the best decision for me now.
How have others worked through similar decisions? I’d appreciate any feedback in the comments. Thanks.